SARAH* has told only five people she was raped at the age of 14.
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Only two believed her.
The police officer wasn’t one.
And neither was her own mother.
Sarah, like thousands of others around the country, never received justice for the sexual crime committed against her.
And probably never will because they just aren’t believed.
“I hear other people’s stories on podcasts, in the news or on social media and I think they are so brave to take that step to say ‘this happened to me’,” she said.
“Even though it was 13 years ago, I’m still not ready to put my name to it and it’s very hard to talk about.”
Still, the 27-year-old wanted to share her story with the Riv in the hope she could play a part in helping overturn a new Victorian law that is silencing sexual assault survivors whose offenders have been found guilty.
“It’s practically telling people in this position to bottle up the trauma they have through no fault of their own,” she said.
“So many people, like myself, haven’t or will never see justice for what happened to them and I think it’s going to make it even harder for victims to report these people.”
Sarah’s attacker was her mother’s boyfriend.
“They would do drugs and get drunk together a lot, so I was left to look after my baby brother a lot,” she said.
“The first time it happened I was in the shower and he came in and started taking his clothes off. He saw me in there and I told him to get out and I called out for my mum. She came in and told him he was in the wrong room.
“Another morning, I was getting ready for school and I was walking from the bathroom to my bedroom in my towel which was just across the hallway. He yelled at me for not taking my clothes in and I yelled something back and he kicked my bedroom door open and came in and physically assaulted me.
“My mum woke up, yelled at me and grounded me. I said he touched me, but she didn't believe me.”
The couple eventually broke up and Sarah got a message from him one night asking to meet him at the park with some stuff he had left behind because he didn’t want to come back to the house.
“I told my mum and she said to take it to him. This park was 200m from home, so I thought nothing of it. Mum knew where I was, anyway,” Sarah said.
“When I got there, he told me to wait so he could go through everything to make sure it was all there. I was sitting on a table/bench type thing and he pulled me off while holding my wrists.
“I tried to get away but I couldn’t. I was wearing my school dress and he dragged me on the ground and pinned me down so I couldn’t move.
“He tore my underwear off and made some comments about how he knew it was what I wanted and then he raped me. After that, I froze.”
Sarah eventually went home but didn’t say anything that night.
“I ended up telling my friend and we went to the police station and the policeman there didn’t believe me,” she said.
“He took down my name and phone number but none of my offender’s details, even after I said I had them.
“After that I told my mum because somehow I was still expecting something to be done. And she told me to stop trying to cause trouble. I told my nan as well and she told me it was something I needed to deal with, with my mother.
“At the time it made me very angry that she wouldn’t listen to me, but then very helpless.”
The betrayal by her own mother — a person who is supposed to love and protect you unconditionally — had a significant impact on Sarah’s life.
“I did self-harm for quite a few years and ended up in hospital three times,” she said.
“During that period, I don’t think I was feeling much at all, just numbness and a lot of pain. I was looking for affection in a lot of ways that probably weren’t necessarily healthy.”
Sarah said she and her mother still had a strained relationship.
“She still doesn’t believe me, but I have only bought it up to her one other time last year and she shut me down again, saying that I never liked him and I would have done anything to split them up,” she said.
“At the time, my mum was doing a lot of drugs and drinking a lot that it actually wouldn’t surprise me if she couldn’t remember that period of time very well.”
While Sarah’s story will likely never play out in a court of law, she wants other survivors to know that she believes them.
“So many relationships are strained from this type of thing and I think protecting offenders is just revolting,” she said.
“I support #LetUsSpeak and the right for survivors to have a voice and share their stories using their real names.”
* not her real name.
#LetUsSpeak is a campaign formed in partnership with End Rape On Campus Australia, Rape and Sexual Assault Research and Advocacy and Marque Lawyers.
- If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault or domestic violence, call the Sexual Assault Crisis Line on 1800 806 292 or CASA on 5441 0430 or visit casacv.org.au
- If you feel unsafe or are concerned for someone’s safety, call 000 or contact police.
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