It’s an age-old adage that has been delivered to all of us at one time or another and world-renowned “disaster Doctor’’ Rob Gordon was singing from the same hymn sheet at Rochester Shire Hall last Wednesday.
During his lengthy address to an eclectic group that included young families, seniors and everyone in between, he explained after four decades of working with communities impacted by disaster events there was some valuable lessons he had learned.
Among them was not rushing into a rebuild that would not be in keeping with people’s pre-disaster goals.
“As strange as this will sound people can be too focused on re-building and can rush the process,” Dr Gordon said.
He quickly added it was easy for him to spread that message, seeing as he was not the one living in the backyard of his property in the caravan, on the doorstep of winter, with two teenagers, while waiting for an answer from an insurance company and attempting to “get on with life’’.
He did say, however, disaster-impacted people had shared stories of regret with him about their decision to fast-track the re-build process.
“Four years after Black Saturday I was working with people in the St Andrews community and spoke with a man who said he had rebuilt as quickly as possible,” Dr Gordon said.
“He told me that was his only priority and he had changed all his longer-term life plans and rushed the process.
“Looking back he realised he had rebuilt too soon.”
The disaster-recovery expert said there was a moment post disaster — which a lot of Rochester people would be experiencing now — where there was an opportunity to think outside the box and create the foundation for the future.
“My advice is to think about what is important and makes life meaningful — all the intangibles,” Dr Gordon said.
“Instead we have an orientation to replace physical losses.
“Our happiness doesn’t really depend on the physical, it is more the emotional.”
He said he had experienced many post-disaster communities lose focus on what was “really important’’ to them and, instead, were solely focused on the rebuild.
“People should ask the question what did we used to do before the flood that made our lives satisfying and were they still doing that post-flood?,” he said.
Dr Gordon said by “slowing down’’ people who did not know how much longer they would be in their current situation could organise their lives to ensure no unnecessary losses.
One of the final subjects broached by Dr Gordon during his address was that of survivor guilt — when a person had feelings of guilt because they had avoided a disaster when others did not.
“I have seen, and heard, of this in many disaster-affected communities, people unaffected by the event who needed to help in order to feel right about their situation,” he said.
He shared the story of a couple who became disconnected because they completely changed their lifestyle and that of their seven and 14-year-old (at the time) children.
“They lived with neighbours (who insisted on the arrangement) for an extended period and it has had a profound impact on their relationship and the lives of their children,” he said.
“People should trust their instincts, watch their children and listen to what they are saying.
“In a stressful situation our focus often becomes singular and we are unable to step back and look at what is happening in our lives.”
He said children would often put aside their own needs when they saw their parents struggling.
“The first sign is that they are ‘good’ all the time,” Dr Gordon said.
“That is a very worrying sign. Parents are, understandably, asking for their kids to step up and help or understand the recovery process.
“The real process, however, is rebuilding the quality of life. Focus on quality, not how long it takes to rebuild.”
This is a link to the Dr Rob Gordon Department of Families Fariness and Housing road to recovery series https://services.dffh.vic.gov.au/travelling-road-recovery-video-series
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