Too often we don’t think before we speak and what comes out of our mouths can cause hurt and misunderstanding.
Well-intentioned people can feel the need to tell us how to do something better, and it is easy to do this.
However, when we receive this ‘uncalled for’ assistance, we can see it as criticism and this can cause a negative reaction in us.
As a young person growing up with a lot of criticism, what tended to happen was that I attempted less things so that I had less failures.
When someone praised me for what had I achieved, I worked harder.
We are encouraged in the Bible to speak to others in positive ways.
Ephesians 4:29 states: “When you talk, do not say harmful things but say what people need— words that will help others become stronger. Then, what you say will do good to those who listen to you.”
The challenge for all people is that when we speak to others, whether we are angry, hurt or discouraged, our words should always be aimed at building them up.
To do this in our own strength is impossible, for all of us fail at times and say things that aren’t positive.
How the words come out can sound aggressive or just plain negative.
When this happens, we need to apologise and continue building the relationship.
We can also ask God to change us, to enable us to be more caring and thoughtful in how we speak.
We should use appropriate praise often – how we praise, when we praise and what we praise is very important. If our praise in insincere, it will definitely be of no benefit anyone.
Praise the effort and the finished product, not the ability of the person, and give your praise as soon as possible.
When you praise someone, make sure you then don’t go on to criticise as well.
Praise needs to be kept separate from criticism. It is easy to follow praise with that strong word “but”, and this destroys any benefits of the compliment you have just given.
Giving praise also benefits the person saying the praise as we develop the skill of looking for the best and not focusing on the worst in any person or situation.
We need to be consciously looking for opportunities to encourage one another, showing them both God’s and our love, and one of the ways to do this is through praise.
Have a great week
Alan Corby
Pastoral care worker at River City Christian College and the Echuca Church of Christ
16°C